Friday, June 17, 2011

I'm Sorry That You Bled From That Pore For Me... The Power of Forgiveness Story

I didn't realize this week that I would receive not only a story about the Atonement this week at church but I would also receive and realize and and have it practiced in my life so quickly that I would be able to connect the two.

On Sunday a missionary Elder Fawcett told the branch about this story where a young man goes travelling through the canyons in Utah. He's driving his car along and then for whatever reason he gets into a really terrible car accident.  Search and rescue is called and the car is wedged in such a way that it is difficult to get this young man out of the car because one of the steel metal pieces is going through his stomach.  The search and rescue team has two of it's members try to dislodge this steel from around him and they try to make it so their isn't so much more pain and pressure on the injury to his stomach.   As they do this a single droplet of blood expires from a pore in his forehead.  Elder Fawcett then said, if this much pain and anguish caused this young man to expire one droplet of blood from a single pore, imagine how much pain the Saviour was in when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Which Brings Me to My Experience

I was working yesterday in a library where I've worked before and I worked my but off doing everything to make sure that the library technician of the school wouldn't have any problem knowing that she'd left the library in good hands, I shelved, I walked around the library to make sure everything was put back where it was, etc.  The only thing she asked me not to do was check out books because we're in the last week of school.  So this student comes in close to the end of the day and asks to check out a book because she needs  it for her assignment.  So after had said no twice, and after she had promised me that she would have it returned to me by the end of the day, I finally relented knowing well that I would be in for my consequences.    

 So I emailed this Librarian and told her about everything I did during the day and then I wrote the part in the email where I checked out the one book to the student.  I knew by being honest I was somewhat ready for her to say something.  I felt SO bad. Bad enough already that I almost thought about calling to find out who her teacher was so I could tell the teacher what was going on.  

Unfortunately, that part didn't come to fruition, so even with the email I took my chances.  I was really disappointed in myself even after her having the message tell me a couple times that I even thought it would be okay in the first place.  

So today I heard back from her and yes she was very disappointment, I think probably even more disappointment because she goes beyond what librarians should have to do and phones home to the parents and talks to them and tries to get the students to return their books.  So yes I did feel bad enough already here was the consequence.

So as bad as I felt, I really wanted to correct my mistake and make sure that I would end up in her good books so I had it in my mind to go buy the book for her and give it to her to replace the one that was borrowed by the student (who she had a hard time with) that way she would only have to re-catalogue the book (something that the central cataloging part of the school board does anyway) and realistically she would just have to add a new barcode to the previous title.

So I bought a card as well and thanked her for letting me come in and fill in for her and how much I appreciated her letting me know what I missed, [(window open over the weekend, by accident) messy library, chairs not stacked, etc.) ] and that I appreciated that it has been quite the learning experience and that I can only improve, etc.

So after driving to pick up the book and writing in the card (which by far was the easier part) I arrived at the school, terrified beyond belief but feeling courageous because I even did it in the first place, there was a YM who I knew who is a member sitting on the front steps of the school waiting to get picked up for a dental appointment (I was like, that's got to be the best sign ever, thanks Jason C.)  I walked into the main office to let them know that I was there and why I was there then walked up the stairs to the library and opened the door and waited for her to appear behind her circ desk again (she was in her workroom area)

 She then looked at the book in my hand and refused to take it, I insisted because I knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do, she finally took the book and appreciated the card and what I wrote on the card then she asked me to come back into her workroom and then she gave me a hug. She then said she didn't want me to think that she didn't want me to come in and fill in for her and apologized for coming across the way she did and she said that I had definitely worked really hard, etc.  I was floored and yes a little teary and we had a good conversation about where I worked this year and how much work I did at other schools, etc.)  She then told me to keep the receipt so if the student returned the book I could have the book I bought back so that I was able to return the book to get a refund.

So after our conversation I said goodbye, (now really hoping this student would return this book) and said goodbye to the secretaries in the office and walked out of the school (to find Jason C. still sitting outside, thanks Jason C.)

About 2 1/2 hours later the student in question returned the book so she emailed me and told me I could pick up the book I bought!

Wow!  I know I probably caused more heartache and disappointment in myself and bleeding from pores of the Savior but I know by doing the right thing (repenting, so to speak) and showing that I was trying to improve and learn and making the commitment to strive to have thicker skin with High School Students (trying to get away with things) I was forgiven in such an unexpected way that I felt at peace, I felt immense gratitude.  It was unbelievable and such an amazing spiritual experience, OVER A LIBRARY BOOK!

I love it when my career life meets my religious one, I don't think I've had very many experiences where this has happened where I was connecting the two but this by far was an amazing one.

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