Thursday, July 16, 2009

thoughts and more thoughts


I’m not afraid to say that I’ve kissed a frog, I’ve had several crushes that lasted for a long time and a really long friendship that could have been a relationship on more than one occasion and it never really manifested itself into anything beyond a friendship.

I’ve come to realize that I value people more and more and it just becomes difficult to even see that a relationship with another guy.  I don’t give up on that though, I can see myself where I want to be I just have the utmost patience too much maybe that It’s hard to see where the blessings are.

I’ve really come to understand that I don’t really know what I’m looking for.  I have come to know that I know I’m looking for someone who will love me unconditionally but I don’t have any other sort of list of looks or attributes.  I just know that I want to be sealed and stay together for eternity.  I don’t want to have my future posterity to live through hardships like I have.

I pray constantly to understand what love really is.  I’m afraid that in the whole process of seeing my parents separate I found it more and more difficult to even go on dates because I didn’t even know how to I was supposed to tell that I really liked or even loved a guy.  It was really very difficult.

So now that I’m in my late 20s I realize that I can see love and feel love sometimes but I’m not 100% there yet.  I feel like the feeling I have left some of my insecurities behind but I feel like I’m more and more ready for possibilities but I don’t see the opportunities.  I don’t know if that makes sense or not.

So that’s part of my thoughts today, I am going to get offline and make a bigger dent in my pile and finish a book or two.

Feel free to share you thoughts.  I’d love to know any advice or insight you might have for me.  

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Happenings in the Right Direction



So I don’t have much news but the good thing is that in the past week or so I have applied to two new jobs which is a great step into the right direction.  They are two jobs I am qualified for I just have to pray and hope that I have the chance for an interview.  So pray for me.

In other news I also had quite the awakening and I feel like I really need to rely on assistance from my Heavenly Father.  Things brings about my need to read my scriptures more often I’ve always tried to read the ensign and other LDS speeches online but I need to focus on reading my scriptures.  It really does make my day much more smoother. 

I had a funny thing happen because of reading my scriptures, I have read my scriptures one day and that entire day everything went completely wrong but It was like I really didn’t get upset.  It just seemed like it was completely normal that everything could possibly go wrong.

I made another new goal for myself.  Between May 08 to June of this year I bought approximately 39 books.  During that time I did read some of the books but I didn’t nearly make a dent in the pile.  So on Friday I bunkered down on the hot day, yes i should have sat outside, but I sat inside on the couch and finished two books.  It was awesome.    I’m determined to be under 30 soon and the sooner I do that my friend H.G. and I are going to have a little party.  I’m so excited about it. 

I am also getting really excited to hit up one of my fave places PEI.  I get to spend some time with my mom and hopefully I can do a bunch of stuff and meet some new people.  I’m going see if I can contact the church leadership and see if there are any YSA that I can hang out with while I’m there so that I can party it up PEI style.

So that’s about it for now.  I’ll probably have a tonne more to say within the next couple of days or so.  I am so excited for the summer and Tomorrow is the Day it Officially Starts for me!

Looking Forward

There are some things I have been thinking about recently that are basically summed up in this thought from Matthew Hussey, who is a relati...