Thursday, July 16, 2009

thoughts and more thoughts


I’m not afraid to say that I’ve kissed a frog, I’ve had several crushes that lasted for a long time and a really long friendship that could have been a relationship on more than one occasion and it never really manifested itself into anything beyond a friendship.

I’ve come to realize that I value people more and more and it just becomes difficult to even see that a relationship with another guy.  I don’t give up on that though, I can see myself where I want to be I just have the utmost patience too much maybe that It’s hard to see where the blessings are.

I’ve really come to understand that I don’t really know what I’m looking for.  I have come to know that I know I’m looking for someone who will love me unconditionally but I don’t have any other sort of list of looks or attributes.  I just know that I want to be sealed and stay together for eternity.  I don’t want to have my future posterity to live through hardships like I have.

I pray constantly to understand what love really is.  I’m afraid that in the whole process of seeing my parents separate I found it more and more difficult to even go on dates because I didn’t even know how to I was supposed to tell that I really liked or even loved a guy.  It was really very difficult.

So now that I’m in my late 20s I realize that I can see love and feel love sometimes but I’m not 100% there yet.  I feel like the feeling I have left some of my insecurities behind but I feel like I’m more and more ready for possibilities but I don’t see the opportunities.  I don’t know if that makes sense or not.

So that’s part of my thoughts today, I am going to get offline and make a bigger dent in my pile and finish a book or two.

Feel free to share you thoughts.  I’d love to know any advice or insight you might have for me.  

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